Indulging the inner redneck

A while back, Jared and I were chatting and somehow arrived at the conclusion that it would be interesting to go to a Nascar race. So last weekend, on the occasion of his birthday, we had our first Nascar experience. It was a sharp learning curve, but I've attempted to condense a few nuggets of wisdom that we gleaned about how to do this whole Nascar thing:

1. Arrive early

We toodled off toward the track a little over an hour before the race started. When we got there 15 minutes before race time, we discovered that parking extended over a distance of two miles from the track (I am speaking of a literal two miles here) and we were going to be forced to park in the furthest possible lot. In fact, calling it a "lot" is generous. It was more like a gravelly patch. Since we still had to visit Will Call to pick up our tickets, this did not bode well for us. I briefly regretted not bringing my hydration pack and hiking boots. As it turned out, we were able to walk about a quarter of a mile and take a free tram the rest of the way in. I have literally never seen so many cars in one place in my life.


2. Don't sit on the hillside

For some reason, when I purchased these hillside tickets, I envisioned a grassy green knoll on which we would spread out a blanket and perhaps a picnic supper and watch the festivites. My biggest concern was that the grass would be damp from the rain the night before. Perhaps I should have reflected on the number of times I have seen anything resembling a grassy green knoll in Phoenix. Turns out the hill was a sandy, scrubby ascent (who would have thought?) about a mile from the Will Call booth (I am speaking of a literal mile here). The only good thing -- at least it was good at this stage -- was that we had decided at the last minute on camp chairs instead of blankets.


3. Arrive early

We couldn't help but notice when we got within view of it that the hillside seemed awfully crowded. In fact, one got the distinct impression that maybe it would have been a good idea to arrive earlier. As we started up the path to the hillside, though, a nice man stopped us and offered us some tickets inside the arena. His wife had twisted her knee or something and they were going home early. It was super nice of him, and seemed like some kind of good birthday karma. So we breathed a sigh of relief and (finally) headed inside.


4. Dress up (if you're female)

I noticed right away that my jeans-and-T-shirt-with-a-ponytail look -- the one I sport pretty much all the time -- was a little understated for this crowd. A lot more makeup was in order. A tighter shirt was in order. A tube top might very possibly have been in order. Lower jeans paired with high heeled boots were in order. Certainly more attention to my hair was in order. Oh, well. Duly noted for next time. If you're male, don't bother. Any old scruffy outfit will do.


5. Wear ear protection

The race was just starting as we got our unexpected ticket upgrade. We rushed inside, and one of the first things we noticed was that the area underneath the stands seemed awfully loud; however, we were mostly concentrated on locating our seats. Jared poked his head inside one of the entrances to see if it was the one where we were sitting. He came rushing back and told me we had to find ear plugs right away or we wouldn't be able to go in.

We ended up purchasing cheap-o ear plugs for $3.50 per set and would have willingly paid twice as much. The engine noise inside the arena was incomprehensibly loud. I have never experienced anything like it. The volume was one aspect of it, but the sheer unrelenting nature of the sound was also overwhelming. Once the race starts, the noise never really lets up until 500 miles later. I saw a woman inside with a three-year-old and no protection for his ears and I honestly thought she should be subject to criminal prosecution for that kind of neglect.

It was too loud to converse. We noticed that the vendors wore T-shirts with a list of all the items they were selling so that you could point to the item you wanted and hold up your fingers to indicate the quantity. The experienced racegoers were wearing noise-canceling headphones which offer a comfortable fit, and in many cases were also equipped with radio audio. We even saw one couple wearing big comfy headsets fitted with microphones and speakers so they could talk to each other. I cannot stress enough the fact that normal conversation was absolutely impossible.


5. Choose your seats wisely

Of course we looked like dufuses lugging our camp chairs into the stands, and the looks we got when trying to stow them under our seats were pretty priceless. We had the misfortune to be at the end of a row low down in the stands, which meant that people were continually stepping over us on their way to the get more beer. Although we didn't choose these seats, it made me realize that next time it would be worth the big bucks to sit higher up. There's a better view of the track up there, and less foot traffic.

I probably smoked a pack of secondhand cigarettes, and I have a hard time believing the smoke was equally thick everywhere in the arena. Still, if you are sensitive to the smell of cigarette smoke or for that matter, the smell of sweaty beer drinkers, this might not be the venue for you.


6. Leave early

This is the one area where I feel that we got it right. Jared pointed out that we were going to have to wait an eternity to get on a tram if we waited for the race to end, and given that we were at the far end of the tram run, walking was not a very tempting option. So we cut out about 20 minutes before the race ended. Yes, we missed the photo finish and we only saw the fireworks display from the car as we were driving away, but we avoided traffic, got home at a decent hour, and had a second round of birthday cake before bed, so all in all I think it was the right call.

In conclusion

We probably won't ever be diehard Nascar fans, but it's something we're glad we checked out. It was a fun change from our usual entertainment and if we get the chance, we might go again sometime and check out the pre-race atmosphere. We understand there are vendors there giving away cool stuff, and we're mildly curious to see what that part of the fuss is all about, although we suspect it has something to do with the free flowing of alcoholic beverages. We also wouldn't mind checking out the more expensive seats to see how much that would enhance the experience. Next time, we'd also consider renting audio equipment to listen to the race broadcasters. Overall we considered it a good time and a fun conclusion to Pork Chop's birthday.