Murphy's Law, or, Here We Go Again

Yesterday while getting ready for church I noticed a skirt in my closet that hadn’t been worn in a while; in fact, it probably hadn’t seen the light of day since before the piggies were born. It’s a white pleated number, definitely meant for spring/summer wear, and since summer is winding down, I thought I might as well circulate it back into my wardrobe sooner rather than later and I wore it out the door.

 

Fast forward to Sunday School, where I am holding Winnie on my lap when she gets that unmistakable “strained” look. Unfortunately, this was followed by a sudden warm feeling on my lap. I cautiously lifted Winnie up just a tiny bit to check the situation out and discovered, to my horror, that there had a been a massive diaper fail and there was a sizable puddle of Winnie poop spreading rapidly over my lap. All over my white skirt.

 

I was sitting in the front row of the class but there was no time for hesitation. Jared had taken Thor to nursery and never returned, but my dad was sitting next to me. Thank goodness for my dad. I hastily picked Winnie up and tried to semi-drape a blanket over her and me in order to spare everyone from what was a pretty disgusting sight, but it was a futile effort and I eventually gave up on it as I hobbled toward the door. Poop was running down Winnie’s legs and splattering on my feet and legs; it was horrible. Truly gruesome and gross.

 

My dad followed me out into the hall with my diaper bag and a stack of organ music. I was starting to panic a bit because Jared and I had walked to church and I didn’t have a car. The three blocks home suddenly seemed like a huge distance. In fact, I realized I didn’t even have a key to our house. We hustled down to the nursery as best we could but Jared had already left. In the hallway, several people saw my condition and expressed empathy/amusement/disgust.

 

At this point my dad said he would drive me (carefully) home and worst case we could try to find my parents’ spare key to our house. Getting myself and Winnie into the car without spreading the joy, if you will, was a bit tricky but we managed it. My parents live just across the street from us so when we drove up I asked my dad to go check the back door in case we had left it open. In the meantime Winnie and I stood on the front lawn in a deplorable state.

 

To my relief, Jared suddenly opened our front door. He had gone home to pick up his priesthood manual since he was unexpectedly asked to teach Teacher’s Quorum and he had heard us outside as we pulled up. A few minutes later Winnie and I were both stripped of our soiled clothes and I was busily hosing Winnie down in the shower. Yuck. Winnie is probably a little sick; she slept most of the remainder of the afternoon and ate very little. But she’ll recover. My white skirt may never be the same, and at this point I don’t know if I care. I’m truly not sure when I will have the nerve to attempt to wear it again. Certainly not before EVERYONE in this household is potty trained.